dis few wks i've been veh stretched and super tired..
the expectations of the world were heavy on mi back and they were crushing me..
i jux felt so compelled to do wat i was expected to do..
and, these expectations aren't small...
if i din meet those expectations,
fear tt God wld be displeased wif me wld cloud mi senses and i wld become so discouraged..
it came to a point where i became so afraid of failure..
inside,
i'm always tensed up, mi heart tied up in knots....
i was like a freak, tinking tt if i tk one wrong step or mk one wrong move,
God wld be grieved and He wld forsake me and condemn me forever..

as a result of those expectations frm self and pple,
i wld always be pushing miself to do tings tt i dislike doing becox i thot tt God wld be pleased becox i'm denying mi flesh and stepping out...
life and serving was like a set of rules drawn out by man..
i was another person altogether...
a person shaped and set in place by a set of rules..
rules don't include grace and mercy..
if u don't follow the rules, u fail..
n, if u all haven noticed,
i'm not exactly a perfect person hu doesn't mk mistakes n sin..
so, i'm constantly failing and the feeling jux sux..

yesterday,
mi mum fetched me hme frm sch..
i shared wif her an incident tt happened in sch tt was realli troubling me..
she told me tt i was being too hard on myself and tt God is veh pleased wif me..
simple words but aftr she said tt,
mi so-called-Godly-garment" was torn..
i felt so human, so dependent once more..
it dawned upon me tt mi whole tinking of God was so wrong..
He noes our vulnerbilities and weaknesses and He doesn't expect us to change overnight..
no more self-decalred superwoman, but a human hu needs God..

to wrap tings up and put an end to mi silly mentality,
sy rogers preached abt 4 criterias in dealing wif humanity..

1. Be and stay flexible

2. Rebound from ur mistakes
-When u fall, it jux shows tt you're human and don't have enuff practise)
-a lil mistake will save u frm a much bigger one later on..

3. Good sense of humour (not the haha, humour)
-an attitute of trust in God when bad tings happen
-God is bigger than ur ability to fail

4. Ability to perservere and see the bigger picture
-the big picture is, God loves u and u are made by God for His purpose
-God is a God of timing
Sy shared tt God waited 10 yrs to address issues on his sexuality..
at tt time, sy was alreadi a tv personality and was in public ministry..
imagine how it feels to haf ur stuggles exposed in public (on tv and radio)..
he was veh angry wif God but den God told him 3 tings:
(a) 10 yrs is nth compared to eternity
(b) hu said God deals wif all issues immediately
(c) God waited until sy was emotionally stable and mature enuff b4 cutting his heart open and dealing wif him becox God knew tt sy would be able to tk it..

we're all humans wanting to please God and love Him the best way we know how..
we will all fall and God understands tt..
but,
when u fall down, u get up..
if u get dirty, you clean up..
the blood of Jesus is always available to cover every sin and forgive every mistake..
u meet the expectations of man because u want to be accepted by man..
but u meet the expectations of God becox u love Him..
and even if u fall short of these expectations, God still loves and accepts us..
dun need to work for His love for He gave it freely on the cross 2000 yrs ago..
=)

Wove Rainbows At Wednesday, November 30, 2005

-STRETCHED!-

Wove Rainbows At Thursday, November 24, 2005

its alreadi middle of nov..
going to be the end of the yr soon..
looking back,
its been a fruitful yr..
a yr of moulding,
a yr of tears,
a yr of growing,
a yr of great joy,
a yr of building friendships,
a yr of learning to trust,
i can jux go on and on and on...
its amazing wat u can learn and accomplish in 1 yr...
=)


though sch has reopened and projects r piling,
i jux feel so happy..
haha, i'm nt turning psychotic or wat...
i'm jux realli happy..


i tink its becox i've learnt how to tk off the mask and jux be me..
and the best part is,
God noes wat i'm like but still He loves me...
and i've got friends hu will always be there....
how blessed am i?


cuming to the end of the tunnel and looking back,
along the journey in the tunnel,
it was nv dark or lonely..
it was always well-lit wif clear directions given..
all i had to do was to keep walking..


life was nv meant to be complicated in the first place..
we are the ones hu mess tings up and create webs everywhere...
right now,
i'm on the road of simplicity..
and, i'm enjoying every moment of it!
guys, hop on..! there's rm for everyone..
heee...


guess wat???????????????????
Jesus reigns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wove Rainbows At Sunday, November 13, 2005

i've realized tt i've been forcing myself to grow up...
jux forcing myself to be at the same level as others..
studies wise,
yes its possible and a gd ting...
but when it comes to a relationship wif God,
there can be no short-cuts..
if u cut corners and bluff ur way thru,
when you're tested,
down u go, back to the spot where u hurried past..
be happy at where u are;
but don't be satisfied...
hahas...got it..

Wove Rainbows At Thursday, November 10, 2005

there's a part in everyone of us tts constantly searching..
searching for the truth...

there's an empty void tts waiting to be filled...
filled wif unconditional love and acceptance..

there's weakness in all of us..
weakness tt wants to cling on to smt or someone for security..

there's constant worry at the back of our minds...
worry tt onli trust can neutralize...

there're burdens weighing heavy on our backs...
burdens which can be put down and let go...


had a gd tok wif ma friend today...
unlike ma other friends hu haf screamingly huge needs,
dis particular friend always seemed "perfect" and satisfied wif everyting life offers..
today,
i saw the brokenness and emptiness of the lost soul in her...
a soul tts constantly reaching out...
screaming for someone to fill the crevices and ease the pain...
longing for a shoulder tts broad enuff to shelter under...
the veil was lifted frm mi eyes...


dis world has so mani needs...
needs are everywhere...
after meeting one, another appears..
can one person meet all the needs in dis world?
can one man mk a difference?
can one individual bring light to dis darkness?


~w/o Him, u can do NOTHING...wif God, u can do ALL tings!~

Wove Rainbows At Monday, November 07, 2005

sch is starting tml!
butterflies are crashing abt in mi stomach...
its going to be a new beginning becox dis sem i'm going to be in a diff class...
and, on top of tt...
i'm going to be zooming into advance food science and nutrition...
which means,
i'm going to stop studying rojak and specialize in the stated areas..
suddenly, working life seems so near...


bought ma stationary and bks for e new sem...
5 yrs ago, i rmb shopping wif xq for these stuff...
i wonder how mani more yrs can i shop wif her for 'go-back-to-school' necessities..
time realli flies...


studying season now!
till nx tym..........

Wove Rainbows At Sunday, November 06, 2005